THE HELD SELF™ · TRAUMA memory
Did Childhood Trauma or Sexual Abuse Leave Gaps in Your Memory?
It Did Mine. There Is A Name For What Happened.
I called it going underground. Later I learned the clinical term ~ Dissociative Amnesia. A heavy-duty trauma response that is far more common than most people know.
How It Works
A bad or frightening event arrives ~ one too big for you to handle in real time. You feel scared, confused, feelings jumbling everywhere. The brain goes into overwhelm trying to figure out how to protect you ~ and cannot find a way through. The vulnerability is too much to overcome.
You just cannot handle what is happening.
And so the conscious you dips into a land of nothingness ~ going underground. It is like going to sleep. The memory and the time of the event go deep inside the subconscious ~ tucked securely away where the conscious mind cannot access them.
But tucked away does not mean gone. The contents of that memory ~ the coded packets of fear, pain, chaos, and absolute helplessness ~ remain active. They percolate twenty-four hours a day into conscious life, thoughts, impulses, and reactions ~ even when the memory itself is inaccessible.
One of My Memorable Underground Moments
Second grade.
Friday.
We were all standing in line inside the classroom getting ready to go home for the weekend.
Then I blinked ~ yes, literally blinked ~ and we were all standing in a line outside the classroom waiting to go inside. I asked the person in front of me what day it was.
Monday.
I panicked. I did not understand what had happened between mid-blink. Did not remember going home. Did not remember doing my homework. I opened my notebook ~ my homework had been done. In my handwriting.
Confusion reigned. At that point my little seven-year-old brain was overwhelmed ~ and I went underground again.
What Happens While You Are Underground
When the conscious you goes underground and is not cognizant of real-time events, another part of you comes to live life until you come up for air. This is the brain’s way of keeping you functional when functioning seems impossible.
In some cases ~ particularly with sustained childhood trauma ~ this can develop into Dissociative Identity Disorder. I did develop alters in childhood. They eventually receded ~ though the coded pain and memories remain, expressing now as flashbacks rather than active dissociation.
Why Flashbacks Are Actually a Good Sign
When coded pain information surfaces in flashback form it is highly uncomfortable ~ mega frightening, sometimes attached with the physical sensation of the original episode. It can take you down for several days.
And yet ~ it is still a good thing. Because it means less congestion and less obstruction between where you are and your True Self. The material is moving. Moving means it can be cleared.
But it is a welcome healing episode for you. And that distinction matters.
You find, as you walk this road, that the normal for you is not the normal for everyone else. That what looks erratic or broken from the outside is actually the field releasing what it has been holding.
Does any of this sound familiar? If this happened to you, you are not weird or crazy. This is a common trauma response. And it responds to the right kind of work.
The Mainframe Echo Diagnostic™ identifies what is still active in your field from experiences the conscious mind may no longer remember ~ included complimentary with every Clarity Call.
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