FACEBOOK DRAMA
Today I had to say goodbye to a beloved friend. This friend did not drop her physical body. It was not that kind of goodbye, but a goodbye from the necessity of moving forward with only supportive and loving people. This goodbye was compelled by unresolved trigger issues and ultimately manifested as Facebook Drama.
U Be U
I Be Me
Each of us have our perspectives because of the way life has shaped us, and the way we present in social media reflects those currents. My FB page and other sites represent where I sit and is like being in my home.
When a person comes to visit my home, they sit on my furniture, listen to my music and eat my food. I don't know how to be anyone other than who I am and that is what you get in my home. If someone is uncomfortable on my furniture, doesn't like my taste in music or food, then they are welcome to leave.
And at the same time, no one has the right to come into my home and tell me what food to cook, what music to play and how to arrange my furniture. Again, please kindly leave in peace if you are uncomfortable. And thank you for visiting.
Sometimes They Don't Leave
My friend was doing just that, telling me how to act in my own home. She was saying that I had a responsibility, because of the way I represent myself in the world, to be a specific way. And that she would be watching what I posted and if I didn't post information in a certain way, she would respond by 'challenging' my posts IN PUBLIC and not speaking privately with me. That was harsh. She was now needing to make me 'wrong' in my own home.
She wanted to come into my home and tell me how to live and how to express myself. If my home did not look like her home, then I was wrong and she had to straighten me out. One thing I have learned in my evolution is not to DEFEND. My life is my expression, how I feel, and I don't have to give anyone an explanation or attempt to convince anyone that my way is right for them.
This was not the first time she had behaved in this manner. In the past I suggested that she not censor me because we are all built and express differently. That is what creates the deliciousness of life - our individual uniqueness. Because I would not yield to how she wanted me to be, she would pack her toys and disappear from my life for a bit.
Eventually she would return, we would get back to a point of equilibrium and all would be well. Then, invariably, my perspective would trigger her again and off she would go trying to a squeeze me into her box and posting inappropriately on my FB page. This has happened 4-5 times in the last 3 years. This latest episode was more extreme than the others, her attitude more radical and self-righteous.
Can You Say 'End Of The Road'?
I had never walked away from her, but now it was time. I simply said goodbye and blocked her. There is enough adversity in life that I absolutely refuse to accept those kinds of actions from a 'friend'. Not yielding to how people want me to be has caused extreme behavior in those demanding me to yield. And I have done my best to gently nurture them into living and let live.
Let me be me. I'm ok, you're ok. I know I am not the only one in this boat. The totality of Who We Are and how we choose to express our creations on earth can be unsettling, unbalancing to others. Our life choices can threaten, without willful intent, another's view of the world and their own perspectives. If we allow it, they will do what they can to keep us from being us, so that their world is safe and secure.
But Will We Allow It?
And that is the key - if we allow it. I am no longer willing to allow it. I cannot afford that kind of energy in my life from a loved one. To deal with the insecurities of others and especially when they are also on the attack requires valuable life force energy. If you don't agree with me and are offended by Who I Am, then leave. It is sooooo very simple.
I am not perfect and I don't profess to be, but I do expect my loved ones to accept me as I am, as I do them. I do not agree 100% with everyone in my life, yet it is not their responsibility to fit entirely into my world either.
My only responsibility is to authentically represent in the world. That is all we can really do. Our differences nurture and teach others and also show that it is ok to be you, to say this is who I am. You are allowed to be you.
Making the choice to walk away from my friend was really easy because of our previous history. Seeing that it was only getting worse instead of better made the choice obvious, yet it was still bittersweet. We shared a loving relationship and were each other's rocks for a while. In the overall picture, the change in form of our relationship was a win for her as well.
And, on a general note, if you don’t like something someone posts, don’t stop and shite all over the place, just keep scrolling. My friend and I could've maintained our friendship had she done the mature thing and just kept scrolling.
In Love With You,
Aniel Lia Love
🎀🎀
Aniel Lia Love
© 01.04.22
All Rights Reserved
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And how you explain this says that you get me or that I fully understand you. I had a similar experience a few months ago. Triggered daily by my childhood friend who could not see that her comments ( with using a cartoon character 😑) pissed me off to insane purportions. Jad to let her go. Thank you 💖,
ReplyDeleteHi. Sorry for the loss of a friend. While it may be necessary, the loss can still be painful.
DeleteHello...I just happened to be scrolling by and found this page, called facebook drama. While I understand your perspective, I must respectfully disagree about the notion of posting on your page as being like "home." It is not like home at all. It is more like you left your home and went to the town square to post your opinion, a "meme," or what you had for dinner, etc on the public bulletin board. I believe facebook (I hate it) and social media have created brand new problems that have never been here before, exasperating issues unneccessarilly and often blowing them out of proportion, in an artificial landscape that we barely understand. In my observation over the years, I have witnessed how facebook has created charicatures of people and forced them, almost subconsciously, to conform to some unknown protocol. I can, for simplicity sake, risking gross over-generalization, divide the world between two types of people, facebook people, and non-facebook people. The facebook people seem to act as if facebook was a birthright, like it has always been here from the dawn of human civilization, like it's a natural part of life, an extension of us, something we were born with, almost part of nature itself. Non-facebook people tend to run the other way, even though they are often just as susceptible to the addiction, since it is designed to be addictive. What I see is often terrifying to me, learning all about the pyschological profiles of people that I barely know. And people post for different reasons, to share with family and friends, to vent some political anger, to beg for sympathy or attention, or simply because they are bored, and those of us who scroll are like rubber-neckers who just can't look away from a car wreck. Anyway, just my personal perspective, I could be totally wrong, but would be willing to bet that your loss of a friend would not have happened if it weren't for facebook.
ReplyDeleteHi. Appreciate your perspective and thank you for sharing. One size does not fit all. The friend and I had ongoing issues outside of FB land and the situation there just accelerated the inevitable. Beautiful day to you!
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