12.21.2012

Giving Gentle And Helpful Guidance

From Negative-Speak To Gentleness
In 4 EZee Pieces

‘The smallest of things build into a bigger thing. The smallest 
of things also support the bigger thing once it is built.’ 
Lia Love

There are two phrases that are part of our culture, welded into the collective consciousness and give me great, edgy pause when I hear them.  I have to always take a moment, breath and go to that place of expansive neutrality when either one of them comes my way.

 ~ KEEP IT SIMPLE STUPID ~

Why, oh why, must the word stupid be used here?  Why would anyone want to make someone feel inferior by suggesting they are stupid for doing something a particular way? After the stupid bomb is thrown, any suggestions or words period coming from that person are dead on arrival.

~ CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM ~

Why is it necessary to view positive input as ‘criticism’?  And, again, this also implies that something is very, very wrong with the status quo of a project or other action. 

Those 2 phrases have never felt good. Feeling is everything. Feelings guide, expose and then dispose. Feelings are now guiding us in a new direction if we just listen. If we just listen, we can feel that this language is truly rotting and dying.

Dead Language = Dead Society

Why can’t we encourage people by using more supportive language? Are we so deep into the negative-speak culture and denigration of other’s actions that we are unable to seek better options? Are we that far gone?

    COULD WE TRY SOMETHING DIFFERENT? 
COULD WE CULTIVATE A COURTEOUS CIVILIATION?

To transmute a Negative-Speak Society into a more considerate co-operative, it would be helpful to fervently address the ‘smallest of things’ as in the opening quote of this piece.

When we address and change the small things (individual words) that support 
the big thing (Negative-Speak Society), the big thing slowly erodes and collapses.

The care and feeding of those entrenched collective thought forms will remain active until we put effort into changing them via effort in choosing different words and gentler approaches. We can do it with forethought.

4 EZee Pieces To Cultivating Gentleness

How about we focus on being helpful and upbeat simultaneously?

1  Highlight first what is good about another’s specific actions – the project at hand.  When we torpedo someone with negativity right out of the gate, the gate generally closes whether we are aware of it or not.

2  Be generous and kind in a general way in recognizing that everyone does the best they can in any given moment.  Tell them how talented they are for everyone is talented in a unique way.

Approach with courteous words concerning your perspective. If you see where something could be bettered in accordance with your perspective, start any overture with:

“I see you have this under control.  From my perspective I may do something different…”

Of course if something else works better for you, then use it.  If you care to share your version in the comments section that would be great too.  We could all learn from it.

4  Respect the Creator Spark within them! It is the same spark you have in you. No one is any better than or less than another. This is very important. On your approach, take this view in wholly, let it perk and then take her in for a smooth landing.

Now let’s look at the 2 key phrases again. Marry the respectful and kind communication style established above AND a new positive word in each:

~ KEEP IT SIMPLE SWEETIE ~

Doesn’t SWEETIE sound so much better than stupid? Now if Sweetie isn’t your cup of tea either, use something different.  Actually the phrase Keep It Simple is enough and gets the point across.

~ CONSTRUCTIVE COMMENTS ~

COMMENTS…ahhh…feels exponentially cleaner and smoother than its predecessor criticism…feels more respectful and flowing as it allows and provides space for spontaneity and clarity to flourish.

These 2 examples are only a drop in the bucket of other trite-isms that could use an overhaul.

It would be great to hear from you in the comment section about any common phrases that tweak you and how you would change them.

And now a little ditty to wrap things up:

‘One itsy bitsy word
Can turn into a turd

So be careful what you utter
Do not make another shutter

Apply a different spin
 Design a big win-win’
~ Lia Love

CREATE DYNAMIC AND PANDEMIC CIVILITY NOW
by changing the world one word at a time.

Feel-good fuzzies to all of you!

In love with you,
Aniel Lia Love

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Published on Finer Minds


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