12.14.2011

Recovering My Female Energy


A RETURN TO PRECIOUSNESS




Anyone who is out of the trance and waking up understands that female energy is being suppressed on this planet and that that suppression trickles down into the mechanical minutiae of each female on this planet. It may also trickle down to the female aspects of all males as well. If it didn’t, I would be surprised.

Recently there was occasion to work with my own female energy in a remarkable way, a way that acutely changed me and advanced my evolution of consciousness exponentially.

I have spent quite some time attempting to marry words with that undertaking, so please forgive the poor attempt. I hope that this part of my journey enlivens and informs you in some way. 

~ ~ ~

Once again I tangled with, yet, another conflicting monolith that resides within my soul history and blocks my progress into Sovereign BEingness. This chunk had once been inaccessible because other opposing (to me) and protective (to it) layers had to be exposed and conquered first.

While navigating this monolith, a breach appeared and new, startling information surfaced from within it: part of my female energy was separated into two dimensional spaces, so to speak, and being held, used and manipulated by creatures who had no right to it.  Given this valuable piece of information, I was now in a position to ferret out and champion the next step in my conscious evolution.

AN EXQUISITE JEWEL COMES FORTH

So I set out to retrieve what had been taken from me. After going through the process of recovering, cleaning and combining my hijacked female energy, the resulting gain in consciousness has exceeded anything to date, although all other work I have done with myself thus far has led me here and is no small thing either. I could not have gotten to this point, to this knowledge until traversing and mining those previous mountains.

The aftermath of the retrieval has not been a landslide of highly palpable things, but a chisel of slowly unfolding subtle feelings and emotions. This chisel is double-edged with polar opposites.

A new, multi-faceted STRENGTH that has never presented is now coming in and to complement that, a jewel, a present, an utter astonishment is emerging.

While talking and listening to myself as I spoke one day - not intentionally listening, there seemed to be an heightened awareness at that moment of my own voice - I HEARD and FELT, for the first time, the PRECIOUSNESS of my Being, the preciousness of Aniel Lia, not of something esoterically indescribable but of the One that I am right here and now.

It was so profound that I began to weep from a recognition that has long been masked, been buried, been in the inaccessible abyss of other unknown, nurturing qualities that have been usurped and replaced with life-diminishing elements.

I AM PRECIOUS BEYOND ANY MEASURE. THIS FEELING IS UNRELATABLE, IS A NON-NARRATIVE. IT MUST BE INTERNALLY HELD AND WITNESSED TO KNOW IT.

I want to hold myself and feel the delicacy of my Being. Understanding my preciousness to this degree was so incomprehensible before that moment that the intricate and infinite promise of what is to come is inconceivable. 

I am still prone to weeping when I hear it in my voice and then the feeling spreads throughout my entire Being. It is overwhelming at times, and I am unable to fully manage this new place just yet.

Being in this place is something that comes and goes, and I would like more consistency, but I know that my life is forming around Preciousness instead of me forming around it. Deep, sudden changes can knock one on one’s butt if given in full, immediate dosage so, leisurely and with great anticipation, the paradigm shifts.

STRENGTH TO BRING IN PRECIOUSNESS

As I walk and talk, each movement, each word now reverberates even stronger within and notifies me when I am out of Preciousness, almost instantaneously, when I am saying or doing something that is the exact opposite and destructive.

The new Strength then steps in to help me stop the words, stop the movement. Strength holds me steady so that I may readjust and choose differently. Sometimes it takes a light and fleeting hand and sometimes Strength uses iron hooks to drag me out of tenacious and persistent patterns.

This new track is thrashing me to and fro, and I can tell that I will be with it for quite a while. I am laying everything else down for this as I go moment by moment.

Revisions galore.

AUTHENTIC ONENESS

The strangeness and the paradox of this fits perfectly in our pairs of opposites in duality. Preciousness is recognition of who I am, a fragility of sorts, vulnerability and a ‘handle myself with care’ or else Strength will step in and correct the course.

I have never felt these two separate feelings and ways of beings so distinctly and defined. As though there are 2 different people within, but there are not. There is only my female operating from a place of more wholeness with my male now. They are blending and melding and progressing even past the labels of ‘female’ and ‘male’.

This is the ONENESS.

PRECIOUSNESS IS DIFFERENT THAN SELF LOVE

Some may equate Preciousness with self love, but it is different. Self Love comes from the mind and is something you do - set boundaries, a healthy eating lifestyle, create stress-free zones etc. - things that ultimately bring ease and health to the physical and emotional bodies, things that are practiced.

Preciousness is a FEELING that cannot be manufactured. It is just there, waiting, and goes beyond even that in a way that is verbally incomprehensible.

When I am in the Preciousness zone, I talk differently, I walk differently. And even though all of us have a thought train that goes 24/7, I am able to have different thoughts about things that are separate from the thought trains that are unrelated to present moment and cause confusion and chaos.

Preciousness, although constantly present, is not perpetually accessible, yet, because of blocks that are still in my consciousness. Periodically, abruptly and without forerunner, I am in it and occasionally I make adjustments, which are indefinable that will take me there.

I am learning how to get there one baby step at a time, but yet with no efforting if that makes sense. It makes no sense to me because I seem to be describing making adjustments, which requires effort to a degree, but there is not. To be able to shift this part of my understanding to another with no words would be sublime and satisfying.

The labor to uncover and know this about my Self has been worth every moment of confusion, pain and struggle. I feel more at peace and at that zero point of perfect balance. This is new territory for me, a different way. I am in love with this feeling of my Preciousness. 

In love with you,
Aniel Lia Love


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